Phantom 309

Phantom 309

Phantom 309

 I was out on the West coast, trying to make a buck and things didn’t work out.

I was out on my luck I got sick and tired of roaming around so I started thumbing a ride back East towards my home town miles from nowhere.

The first two days when I figured I’d be home in a week if my luck held out this way.

But the third night I got stranded way out of town on a cold lonely cross road, the rain was falling down, I was hungry and freezing, and then I got a chill when the lights of a big semi topped the hill.

Lord I was sure glad to hear them air brakes come on! climbed in that cab I knew it would be warm.

At the wheel sat a big man weighing about 210 he stuck out his hand and said with a grin, Big Joe’s the name and I told him mine and he said the name of my rig is Phantom 309.

When I asked him why he called his rig such a name he said “Son this old Mack can put them all to shame, ain’t a driver or rig running any line that’s chasing nothing but tail-lights of the Phantom 309”.

Well we talked the better part of the night when the lights of a truck stop came in sight

He said, “I’m sorry Son, this is far as you go cause I got to make a turn just down the road”.

Well he tossed me a dime then he put his rig in low and said, “Have yourself a hot cup on old Big Joe.”

When Joe and his rig went on! In the night in nothing flat, I went inside and ordered me a cup,

I told tire waiter Big Joe set me up, you could hear a pin drop.

It got deadly quiet, the waiters face turned kind of white, “Well did I say something wrong? I said with a halfway grin. He said, “No this happens every now and then, every driver knows Big Joe well son, let me tell you what happened about ten years ago at the cross roads, tonight where you flagged him down there was a bus load of kids coming from town and they were right in the middle.

When Big Joe tops the hill it could have been slaughter but he turned his wheel well, Joe lost control and went into a skid he gave his life to save that bunch of kids and there at the crossing was the end of the line for Big Joe and Phantom 309.

But every now and then some hiker will come by like you, Big Joe will give them a ride.

Here have: anther cup and forget about the dime, keep it as a souvenir from big .Joe and Phantom 309.

Tom Waits

More Tales – again

Danger on the road; The Mugs Game ; The Red Head.


Danger on the Road

by Jessica Blair

The road winds around the airport with trees on both sides
and a truck is approaching a curve in the road
but at the same time there are two cyclists overtaking the truck.
The cyclists are not looking where they are going
and do not see the motor bike coming the other way
while both rider and pillion passenger are not looking where they are going

A hiker waiting to cross the road waits until the truck has passed
then starts to cross the road
and although he sees the cyclists at the same time the truck driver does
there is nothing he can do. The truck driver slams on his brakes
but the truck is fully loaded so he sounds his horn
to attract the attention of the cyclists
startled the cyclists see each other they swerve
and the motor bike runs off the road and skids to a stop.

One pushbike rider falls to the road and is only just missed by the truck
but the other rider runs headlong into a tree and falls to the ground
then does not move.
Although the driver jumps out before the truck even stops
he races to the fallen rider who is unhurt
whilst the hiker gets to the boy who hit the tree but the he is only stunned.
the boys bike is wrecked so the truck driver gives him a lift home
and tells his mother to take him to a doctor just in case.

The mugs Game

As I walked in to the room, Norm was standing looking into the mirror,
” What are you looking at,” I said.
“I am looking at my magnificent body,” said Norm.
I looked at Norms fat stomach, “You need a wider mirror,” I said.

Norm pulled his shorts up under his stomach,
“I have this book on fitness so I will get fit,” said Norm.
Smiling off down the road Norm waddles whilst his stomach wobbles.
“Don’t I look sharp in my new jogging gear,” Norm said to himself.
With all the kids laughing behind his back,
“look there goes a walking earthquake,” one said.
“Lookout: or he will fall on you,” said another.

Round the corner Norm runs and seeing two ladies Norm said to himself
“I will impress them,” so Norm speeds up but not looking where he is going
and not seeing the dog held by one of the ladies
so Norm trips over the lead skinning his hand and knee
and also busting the elastic in his shorts.

“You stupid idiot, why don’t you look where you are going you clown
you nearly choked the poor dog,” yelled one of the ladies.
“I am shocked by your attitude to the poor man,” said the other lady
whilst helping Norm to his feet. “I feel so embarrassed,” said Norm.

Slowly Norm limps home while trying to hold his knee
and his shorts up at the same time.

“Of all the rotten luck; jogging is a mugs game and now its starting to rain,”
mumbled Norm to himself.

Back home, Norm throws the joggers and book into the tidy.

“Now my nose is starting to run and now I’m getting the flu,” Norm mumbles to himself.

The Red Head

2,000 Years B C, There lived a great wizard
who said: “Far into the future in a county far away
where there is an animal that hops in a place of hurling stones.”
He went on: “Under the signs of the bald eagle and the penguin
a daughter will be born and she will have the signs of sand
and fiery red hair when in her tenth year receive special powers.
She must be protected from the evil that will try to destroy her although,
in time, she will learn how to use her powers against evil.
She will have the power to do all types of magic to fight evil and perform miracles.

The Hat

The old felt hat
The hat was in such good condition that he picked it up and put it on

       One day, whilst wandering along a beach Tom found a funny looking felt hat. The hat was in such good condition that he picked it up and put it on. It felt so good that he kept it. Then he resumed walking along the beach. He came to some girls who went down on their knees and called him master.

Tom looked at them and asked what they were saying. They just said, “Master.” So Tom took the hat off, the girls looked at him and said: “What are you looking at, old man?” He put the hat back on and started to walk along the beach. The girls went back down on their knees and said, “Sire.” So it was the hat.

Tom beamed to himself and used the efficacy of the hat to get what he desired. The next morning the hat was gone, but where? He did not know. It felt as though he still had the hat on. The feeling was strong. He realised that the hat had entered his mind.

Tom tested his mind powers at the racetrack. He backed three horses in each race, for eight races. He got first second and third in every race.

In time, Tom learnt to use the power of the hat to travel all over the cosmos. All he had to do was think of a place and then he was there. Tom went to England to see the sights even the Queen. With his power of invisibility, nobody discovered that he was there–even in the safe of the bank of England.

Tom lived in an ordinary-looking Government housing but inside it was like a luxurious palace with hundreds of rooms and servants. Anything he lacked came just by thinking of it. Tom lived in luxury whilst collecting unemployment benefits. If he wanted lollies, ice creams or chocolates, they were there–food, drinks–anything he coveted. When Tom went outside, he looked so pitiful every one thought he didn’t have any money to his name.

After a while, he found that he was unhappy with the ability. Therefore, he wanted to get rid of the power–but he did not know how. Tom discovered life was no longer a challenge with this power. Then Tom realised the powers of his mind were too fearful for any one to use so he must keep them to him self forever. Too much of a good thing is not fun.

 (C) Jessica Blair

More Tales



Quote of the Week ; Star Shine ; The Flood ; The Challenge ;The Emu


The man of the cloth was talking about the relationship between fact & faith. “That you are sitting before me in this church, is fact” he said. “That I am standing here, speaking from this pulpit, is fact. That I believe anyone is listening to me is faith”.

Star -shine in her eye’s, that particular movement which , just
sends me WILD, precedes me up the well of
Stairs, around the bend and into the room beyond.
Cut to the quick I am, that feeling of bitter hurt and pain. Is
it just me or is it everyone like me who suffers
the rejection of the RSL, WEST’S, ST. GEORGE…. . Like me?
Then there are others like me. ->

The flood

Funny things that happen at different places and times.
One Easter when we where camped at Diamond Head.
One night, we had a very heavy rainstorm that flooded the camp area.
I was camped in my van on the only site that never flooded.
It was the only campsite left because I was the last to arrive.
The camper who saved the site for me, said, “I am camped in the best site in this area.”
But after the flood it looked like a lake with 200mm of water running through it and he was not very happy.

Jessica Blair   ->

The challenge

Funny things that happen at  different places and times.

One day my sister’s family and I were walking in the bush.

When the kids saw leaches they started crying and panicking.

The youngest was 4 years old  so she sat on the ground screaming, “Pick me up!” whilst trying to lift herself up by the toes.


Funny things that happen at  different places and times.

One trip we went on we arrived at a camp site and started to set up camp.

Then the kids saw an emu and seeing it was tame they started hand feeding it.

They played with the emu for some time but when it saw Kevin it went mad and attacked him.

kevin jumped into his car to get away from the emu so it just walked away and started to be fed by other campers.

Then Kevin got out of his car and started to walk to his tent.

When the emu saw him, it came running back to attack so Kevin jumped back into his car again.

But, this time, the emu ran round the car hissing and attacking the windows because it was savage.

It would have killed him if it could.

Then we looked at Kevin’s baldy head with grey sides and his cream shirt and old blue stubbies.

With his hairy arms and legs he looked a bit like a big emu.

When Kevin changed his shirt, the emu just walked away and over  where some kids were hand-feeding other emus.

 Jessica Blair

Jessica Blair  ->

Our Four-wheel Drive trip

Our Four-wheel Drive trip

Warrumbungle National Park
Warrumbungle National Park

We went to the Warrumbungle National Park NSW.   We went in my Jackeroo 4WD.It was just after the big floods and we tried to camp at Turon Gates but the river was flooded so we camped on the riverbank with nice green grass just up stream from Sofala, instead.   We had a big campfire the first night and sat talking until late that night, the wattle was in bloom and the fragrance was beautiful. The next day whilst  the boys went fishing in the river and never got a bite, I picked daisies, although daisy chains made me feel nice the boys said I looked silly.   That night it got very cold although the next day the sun came out so we went for a walk to the top of the highest hill, it was a good day out. When we started walking back to our camp we saw a big mob of horses galloping through the paddocks, there was a beautiful black stallion with them.   Then we had another cold night so we decided to move on to the Warrumbungles. We arrived at one pm, in the afternoon and set up camp then we had a look around the area. Later in the evening, a mob of wallabies came into camp. They were about one metre tall and some had beautiful joeys, they were tame and let the boys hand feed them.   The next, day we went for a walk up to the Breadknife, on the way up we stopped for a picnic and the boys fed the currawongs with breadcrumbs. We looked at the breadknife and wondered how the tree managed to grow way up on the top.   Then we walked farther along the trail to the top lookout and stared in wonder at the view spread out before our eyes and then we walked back to camp. After  walking around all day, we were tired so we retired early that night   The next morning, we went driving around the park on approved roads and trails only. We went to Siding Springs Observatory, then to Camp Burbie, back to camp for another night. The Paterson’s-curse was out, and the paddocks were just covered in mauve for miles.   The next day, we went to Borenore Caves for one night. although the last kilometre of road is gravel it is in good condition. There are two main caves, the creek runs though one, and the other is just above it, although they are easy to explore with only a dozen or so steps in the caves, you still need a torch, and the time,.   You can walk into one cave, out through the back, and come back through the other to make a round trip and you cannot get lost. Then, on the way home, we went to my uncle’s place at Molong for a visit.


Jessica the reject

I call you friend!
I call you friend!

Jessica the reject

by Andrew Blair

Jessica , the reject, I found her on the garbage tip,
In a garbage bag, she smelled, did she,
I thought I’d found a skunk, I did.
At first I did not know t’was she,
Until I heard this whine..
My name is Jessica and I’m a reject!
Jessica, I said, now who are you?
And what is this tip to you? Said I.
It is my only home, said she, and I’ve been here so long.
A skunk, I am, a reject too,
I stink and no one wants me, they don’t!
My name is Jessica and I need love.
A reject cannot need love, I said, because even love rejects.
Love rejects the painful one, the one who will not
Suffer love to love and let it be.
Jessica, I said, I can love you even if on this tip you stay.
Yet all my love is wasted until you can love you!
But I/m a reject, she said, how can I love garbage.
So on this tip I’ll stay, she said, until the World loves me!
The World might love you, the sun might caress you,
Even the Moon, in gentle femaleness might kiss your face.
Yet until you love yourself, accept you as you are ,
Then even all of this will bind you as a miasma,
Of mist within your self rejected Self.
Come down from there! You Skunk, you dirty reject you.
Claim the love that self respect will give.
Walk tall upon this Earth.
Jessica Elizabeth Blair!
I call you woman,
I call you friend.
(C) 1998

Various Tales

On the rocks at maroubra Beach
On the rocks at maroubra Beach

A Sunday Drive

Although I saw it with my own eyes I still can’t believe it really happened.
One weekend, I went 4–wheel driving with friends.
When the vehicle in front of me was going down a steep creek bank, it stood on its bull bar.
The rear wheels hit a hump that caused the vehicle to bounce on its end.
It stood there teetering for over twenty seconds, then fell back onto its wheels.
The young woman driver was going too fast as she went over the bank but luck was on her side this time.

A Tail of a dog.
Sometimes it wags
Sometimes it droops
Sometimes it is up
Sometimes it is down
But, if you should grab it
Beware, there may be a dog on the other end.
The Flight
One Easter, I went to my sister’s place at Taree for a holiday. I took the kids for a joy flight in a four seater plane which we flew from Taree to Foster and back again. The pilot and I had plenty of room in the front although there were five kids in the back seat. When we flew over Taree, I pointed out my sister’s house and land marks around town. We went along the coast looking at beaches and cliffs and flew over the oyster beds and lakes at Foster and Tuncurry. Then we headed back north along the coast when the pilot took the plane down low and skimmed a beach the kids started to panic and kept asking to go higher. Our pilot flew along the Manning River to Taree and the airport, after we landed the kids were still excited and still talk about the flight even today.


Around and around it goes  around all day and around all night. Well mate around me moneys always tight They say moneys made round to go round Although were it goes nobody found.
Do You Remember?
Author Unknown

Be sure to love someone while you can remember The day I borrowed your brand-new car and I dented it? I thought you’d kill me, but you didn’t.

And remember when I dragged you to the beach, You said it would rain, and it did? I thought you’d say, “I told you so.” But you didn’t.
Do you remember the time I flirted with guys Just to make you jealous and you were? I thought you’d leave me, but you didn’t.

Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug? I thought you’d smack me, but you didn’t.

And remember the time I forgot to tell you the dance was formal, and you showed up in jeans? I thought you’d drop me, but you didn’t.

Yes, there were lots of things you didn’t do. But you put up with me, and you loved me, and you protected me. There were lots of things I wanted to make up to you When you returned from the war. But you didn’t.

Easy Slidden.

You pull my handle I won’t budge. So you pull harder but I stick tighter. Then with both hands you heave and then on your back you go with me on top. Oh it’s fun being a drawer.
If only feet had noses.

I am overworked, neglected, mistreated and abused.
Over heated and overloaded I am shoved into any old boot
Anywhere to keep the smell in.
Eventually I must be taken out, then revenge is mine.
Signed, the foot


One Christmas we went to the Snowies it was just after the Newcastle earthquake. We camped at the diggings near Jindabyne. one night whilst I was asleep in my van and was dreaming pleasant dreams I was violently awakened by my van rocking from side to side, up, down, and end-to-end all at the same time. Earthquake! I thought to myself. I was in a state of panic whilst pulling on my boots before jumping out of the van, to escape to safety I was terrified. Then I collided with a big wombat that came running out from under my van, “Bloody wombat!” I yelled. The earthquake was only a wombat, scratching its back under my van. The other people camping with me came running out of their tents to see what was wrong and then we all had a good laugh. The next morning they were still laughing at me and my wombat. When we were leaving camp someone had a flat battery so I had to give them a jump-start oh, it is good to have an auxiliary battery system; well I had the last laugh didn’t I.

by Jessica Blair     go back to Various Tales for more of my stories