The Hat

The old felt hat
The hat was in such good condition that he picked it up and put it on

       One day, whilst wandering along a beach Tom found a funny looking felt hat. The hat was in such good condition that he picked it up and put it on. It felt so good that he kept it. Then he resumed walking along the beach. He came to some girls who went down on their knees and called him master.

Tom looked at them and asked what they were saying. They just said, “Master.” So Tom took the hat off, the girls looked at him and said: “What are you looking at, old man?” He put the hat back on and started to walk along the beach. The girls went back down on their knees and said, “Sire.” So it was the hat.

Tom beamed to himself and used the efficacy of the hat to get what he desired. The next morning the hat was gone, but where? He did not know. It felt as though he still had the hat on. The feeling was strong. He realised that the hat had entered his mind.

Tom tested his mind powers at the racetrack. He backed three horses in each race, for eight races. He got first second and third in every race.

In time, Tom learnt to use the power of the hat to travel all over the cosmos. All he had to do was think of a place and then he was there. Tom went to England to see the sights even the Queen. With his power of invisibility, nobody discovered that he was there–even in the safe of the bank of England.

Tom lived in an ordinary-looking Government housing but inside it was like a luxurious palace with hundreds of rooms and servants. Anything he lacked came just by thinking of it. Tom lived in luxury whilst collecting unemployment benefits. If he wanted lollies, ice creams or chocolates, they were there–food, drinks–anything he coveted. When Tom went outside, he looked so pitiful every one thought he didn’t have any money to his name.

After a while, he found that he was unhappy with the ability. Therefore, he wanted to get rid of the power–but he did not know how. Tom discovered life was no longer a challenge with this power. Then Tom realised the powers of his mind were too fearful for any one to use so he must keep them to him self forever. Too much of a good thing is not fun.

 (C) Jessica Blair

More Tales

Emu

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Quote of the Week ; Star Shine ; The Flood ; The Challenge ;The Emu

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

The man of the cloth was talking about the relationship between fact & faith. “That you are sitting before me in this church, is fact” he said. “That I am standing here, speaking from this pulpit, is fact. That I believe anyone is listening to me is faith”.

STAR SHINE
Star -shine in her eye’s, that particular movement which , just
sends me WILD, precedes me up the well of
Stairs, around the bend and into the room beyond.
Cut to the quick I am, that feeling of bitter hurt and pain. Is
it just me or is it everyone like me who suffers
the rejection of the RSL, WEST’S, ST. GEORGE…. . Like me?
Then there are others like me. ->

The flood

.
Funny things that happen at different places and times.
One Easter when we where camped at Diamond Head.
One night, we had a very heavy rainstorm that flooded the camp area.
I was camped in my van on the only site that never flooded.
It was the only campsite left because I was the last to arrive.
The camper who saved the site for me, said, “I am camped in the best site in this area.”
But after the flood it looked like a lake with 200mm of water running through it and he was not very happy.

Jessica Blair   ->

The challenge

Funny things that happen at  different places and times.

One day my sister’s family and I were walking in the bush.

When the kids saw leaches they started crying and panicking.

The youngest was 4 years old  so she sat on the ground screaming, “Pick me up!” whilst trying to lift herself up by the toes.

THE EMU.

Funny things that happen at  different places and times.

One trip we went on we arrived at a camp site and started to set up camp.

Then the kids saw an emu and seeing it was tame they started hand feeding it.

They played with the emu for some time but when it saw Kevin it went mad and attacked him.

kevin jumped into his car to get away from the emu so it just walked away and started to be fed by other campers.

Then Kevin got out of his car and started to walk to his tent.

When the emu saw him, it came running back to attack so Kevin jumped back into his car again.

But, this time, the emu ran round the car hissing and attacking the windows because it was savage.

It would have killed him if it could.

Then we looked at Kevin’s baldy head with grey sides and his cream shirt and old blue stubbies.

With his hairy arms and legs he looked a bit like a big emu.

When Kevin changed his shirt, the emu just walked away and over  where some kids were hand-feeding other emus.

 Jessica Blair

Jessica Blair  ->

Our Four-wheel Drive trip

Our Four-wheel Drive trip

Warrumbungle National Park
Warrumbungle National Park

We went to the Warrumbungle National Park NSW.   We went in my Jackeroo 4WD.It was just after the big floods and we tried to camp at Turon Gates but the river was flooded so we camped on the riverbank with nice green grass just up stream from Sofala, instead.   We had a big campfire the first night and sat talking until late that night, the wattle was in bloom and the fragrance was beautiful. The next day whilst  the boys went fishing in the river and never got a bite, I picked daisies, although daisy chains made me feel nice the boys said I looked silly.   That night it got very cold although the next day the sun came out so we went for a walk to the top of the highest hill, it was a good day out. When we started walking back to our camp we saw a big mob of horses galloping through the paddocks, there was a beautiful black stallion with them.   Then we had another cold night so we decided to move on to the Warrumbungles. We arrived at one pm, in the afternoon and set up camp then we had a look around the area. Later in the evening, a mob of wallabies came into camp. They were about one metre tall and some had beautiful joeys, they were tame and let the boys hand feed them.   The next, day we went for a walk up to the Breadknife, on the way up we stopped for a picnic and the boys fed the currawongs with breadcrumbs. We looked at the breadknife and wondered how the tree managed to grow way up on the top.   Then we walked farther along the trail to the top lookout and stared in wonder at the view spread out before our eyes and then we walked back to camp. After  walking around all day, we were tired so we retired early that night   The next morning, we went driving around the park on approved roads and trails only. We went to Siding Springs Observatory, then to Camp Burbie, back to camp for another night. The Paterson’s-curse was out, and the paddocks were just covered in mauve for miles.   The next day, we went to Borenore Caves for one night. although the last kilometre of road is gravel it is in good condition. There are two main caves, the creek runs though one, and the other is just above it, although they are easy to explore with only a dozen or so steps in the caves, you still need a torch, and the time,.   You can walk into one cave, out through the back, and come back through the other to make a round trip and you cannot get lost. Then, on the way home, we went to my uncle’s place at Molong for a visit.

 

Jessica the reject

I call you friend!
I call you friend!

Jessica the reject

by Andrew Blair

Jessica , the reject, I found her on the garbage tip,
In a garbage bag, she smelled, did she,
I thought I’d found a skunk, I did.
At first I did not know t’was she,
Until I heard this whine..
My name is Jessica and I’m a reject!
Jessica, I said, now who are you?
And what is this tip to you? Said I.
It is my only home, said she, and I’ve been here so long.
A skunk, I am, a reject too,
I stink and no one wants me, they don’t!
My name is Jessica and I need love.
A reject cannot need love, I said, because even love rejects.
Love rejects the painful one, the one who will not
Suffer love to love and let it be.
Jessica, I said, I can love you even if on this tip you stay.
Yet all my love is wasted until you can love you!
But I/m a reject, she said, how can I love garbage.
So on this tip I’ll stay, she said, until the World loves me!
The World might love you, the sun might caress you,
Even the Moon, in gentle femaleness might kiss your face.
Yet until you love yourself, accept you as you are ,
Then even all of this will bind you as a miasma,
Of mist within your self rejected Self.
Come down from there! You Skunk, you dirty reject you.
Claim the love that self respect will give.
Walk tall upon this Earth.
Jessica Elizabeth Blair!
I call you woman,
I call you friend.
(C) 1998

Various Tales

On the rocks at maroubra Beach
On the rocks at maroubra Beach

A Sunday Drive

Although I saw it with my own eyes I still can’t believe it really happened.
One weekend, I went 4–wheel driving with friends.
When the vehicle in front of me was going down a steep creek bank, it stood on its bull bar.
The rear wheels hit a hump that caused the vehicle to bounce on its end.
It stood there teetering for over twenty seconds, then fell back onto its wheels.
The young woman driver was going too fast as she went over the bank but luck was on her side this time.

A Tail of a dog.
Sometimes it wags
Sometimes it droops
Sometimes it is up
Sometimes it is down
But, if you should grab it
Beware, there may be a dog on the other end.
The Flight
One Easter, I went to my sister’s place at Taree for a holiday. I took the kids for a joy flight in a four seater plane which we flew from Taree to Foster and back again. The pilot and I had plenty of room in the front although there were five kids in the back seat. When we flew over Taree, I pointed out my sister’s house and land marks around town. We went along the coast looking at beaches and cliffs and flew over the oyster beds and lakes at Foster and Tuncurry. Then we headed back north along the coast when the pilot took the plane down low and skimmed a beach the kids started to panic and kept asking to go higher. Our pilot flew along the Manning River to Taree and the airport, after we landed the kids were still excited and still talk about the flight even today.

Cents.

Around and around it goes  around all day and around all night. Well mate around me moneys always tight They say moneys made round to go round Although were it goes nobody found.
Do You Remember?
Author Unknown

Be sure to love someone while you can remember The day I borrowed your brand-new car and I dented it? I thought you’d kill me, but you didn’t.

And remember when I dragged you to the beach, You said it would rain, and it did? I thought you’d say, “I told you so.” But you didn’t.
Do you remember the time I flirted with guys Just to make you jealous and you were? I thought you’d leave me, but you didn’t.

Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug? I thought you’d smack me, but you didn’t.

And remember the time I forgot to tell you the dance was formal, and you showed up in jeans? I thought you’d drop me, but you didn’t.

Yes, there were lots of things you didn’t do. But you put up with me, and you loved me, and you protected me. There were lots of things I wanted to make up to you When you returned from the war. But you didn’t.

Easy Slidden.

You pull my handle I won’t budge. So you pull harder but I stick tighter. Then with both hands you heave and then on your back you go with me on top. Oh it’s fun being a drawer.
If only feet had noses.

I am overworked, neglected, mistreated and abused.
Over heated and overloaded I am shoved into any old boot
Anywhere to keep the smell in.
Eventually I must be taken out, then revenge is mine.
Signed, the foot

Earthquake

One Christmas we went to the Snowies it was just after the Newcastle earthquake. We camped at the diggings near Jindabyne. one night whilst I was asleep in my van and was dreaming pleasant dreams I was violently awakened by my van rocking from side to side, up, down, and end-to-end all at the same time. Earthquake! I thought to myself. I was in a state of panic whilst pulling on my boots before jumping out of the van, to escape to safety I was terrified. Then I collided with a big wombat that came running out from under my van, “Bloody wombat!” I yelled. The earthquake was only a wombat, scratching its back under my van. The other people camping with me came running out of their tents to see what was wrong and then we all had a good laugh. The next morning they were still laughing at me and my wombat. When we were leaving camp someone had a flat battery so I had to give them a jump-start oh, it is good to have an auxiliary battery system; well I had the last laugh didn’t I.

by Jessica Blair     go back to Various Tales for more of my stories

A Gentle Zephyr

One trip we went on we camped at Lake Keepit near Tamworth N/S/W.
One night just after midnight, a not so gentle zephyr started to blow from the West.
I was fast asleep in my van when I was awoken by Kevin who was in a state of panic that the wind would blow his tent down.
Kevin was running around saying, “The wind is going to blow my tent down.
Look, at that tent over there. It just blew down.”
This went on all night keeping every one awake.
The next morning, after the storm, although his was the only tent still standing, he was not happy.

Jessica Blair.

A Dog called sex

A dog called sex
A dog called sex

Usually anyone who owns a dog calls his dog something like Rover, Spot or Rex. Well called mine Sex.

Well, Sex can be a very embarrassing name as you will see.

Please let me share some adventures with you.

One day when I took Sex for a walk he ran away from me.

I spent hours looking for that dog. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in an alley at 4 am in the morning. I said, “I’m looking for Sex.” My case comes up next Tuesday.

When I went to the Town Hall to get a dog License, for Sex the Clerk asked me what I wanted so I told him a license for Sex and he said he would like to have one too. When I said, “but this is a dog” he said he did not care what she looked like. I said. “You don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was 2 years old.” He replied, “You must have been a strong boy!”

When I decided to get married I told the minister that we wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me we would have to wait until after the ceremony. I said.

“But Sex has played a big part in my life, and my whole life revolves around Sex.” He said “he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.” I told him everyone coming to the wedding, would enjoy having Sex there.

The next day a justice of the peace married us and my family is now barred from the Church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on our Honeymoon. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in this hotel is for sex. So I said, “You don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.”

The clerk said me too.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said “Your honour, I had Sex before I was married” and the judge said “me too.” When I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me he said “me too.”

Well now I have been thrown in jail, married, divorced and have had more damn troubles than I ever bargained for with that damn dog. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the Psychiatrist. She asked me “what seems to be the trouble”? I replied, “well Sex has died and left my life and it’s like losing a best friend and it’s so lonely.” The doctor looked at me and said. “Mister you and I both know that Sex isn’t a man’s best friend so get yourself a DOG.”

Anonymous